Choosing Authenticity over Approval

Hello,

For most of my life, I have done everything to make sure other people were happy. I would go along with whatever my friends wanted to do, proclaiming 'I don't mind'. At the time, to be honest, I didn't mind. I was just happy to go with the flow. Although part of me wishes now that I had minded, because perhaps I would have grown into my early 20s and 30s with a little more strength and confidence in my own opinion.

I lived by other people’s expectations. Work, play, life, dating. I tried to fit into spaces that sometimes didn’t quite feel right, but it was easier to go along with that than it was to speak up and get out of the situation. Work events that just weren't my cup of tea, or conversations that didn't quite align with my beliefs. Every one of them that I 'just went along with' was a slight to my own personality.

It wasn't until recently, in my late 30s, early 40s, that I took stock of who I am, and how I wanted to show up in this world. I had what felt like an epiphany (although not quite Newton's apple from the tree moment!) and I realised that I had not been me for quite some time. Every time I agreed with something just to please someone else, or went along with a situation that felt uncomfortable, just to make other people happy I wasn't only be untruthful with them, but more importantly, I wasn't being truthful with myself.

So, I started choosing authenticity over approval and it has been one of the most grounding decisions of my life. It’s not always the easiest path, but it’s the most honest one. It certainly doesn't always make other people happy either, but I am now confident in myself to realise that, that's not my problem, it's theirs and not my responsibility. This may sound selfish to some reading, however I urge you to consider for a moment what you can and can't control in life. You can control your own emotions, thoughts, and feelings around a situation or event. You cannot control anyone else's, so do what makes you happy, and let them do the same.

I am aware that people question me and look at me as if to say, 'you've changed', which makes me smile on the inside, because the reality is I am ME, I wasn't before. It is often assumed that when people hit their 40s, they have what many call, a 'mid-life crisis'. It seems to me that perhaps that is just how it appears to the outside world. In actuality, they are finding, or have found themselves, and accept they are perfect just as they are.

You don’t owe the world a performance. You don’t need to shrink or shape yourself to be accepted. The right people don’t require that of you.

If you’re standing at a crossroads between being liked and being true — choose yourself. I promise, you’ll never regret that choice in the long run.

With quiet strength and much love, 

Fiona

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