Mental Health Awareness Week Blog

The Moment I Stopped Trying to Be Who Everyone Else Expected

There was a time in my life when I thought being a good parent meant getting everything right.

Saying the right things to keep everyone happy, and holding everything together in the background whilst still somehow becoming the version of myself I thought the world expected me to be.

Absolutely exhausting!

I had stopped listening to myself and was second-guessing my instincts constantly. I worried too much about what other people might think. I carried pressure that was never really mine to carry in the first place, and I didn’t fully realise how much children absorb from the emotional atmosphere around them until I started changing my own.

Mental Health Awareness Week often focuses on checking in with ourselves, slowing down, and recognising when we are struggling, but I think there maybe something deeper many parents carry that doesn’t get spoken about enough. The feeling that we should already know how to do all of this. The pressure to appear calm whilst our minds are racing. The fear that if we get things wrong, our children will somehow suffer because of it.

But we didn't get a handbook when our child popped out, so what I have learned over the years is that children do not need perfect parents. They need connected ones.

They need adults who are willing to pause, breathe, and gently come back to themselves too.

One of the biggest shifts in my own life came when I realised I did not have to keep following everybody else’s expectations for who I should be. I could trust my own instincts. I could slow down and stop trying to prove myself all the time. I could choose a way that actually felt true to me instead of constantly chasing approval or worrying about what people might think.

And something beautiful happened when I did. My children changed too.

I didn't sit them down and teach them a 'perfect' lesson, but because children naturally absorb what feels safe around them. They noticed that I felt calmer. They saw me breathe through difficult moments instead of reacting immediately. They learned that it is okay to step away when emotions feel big. They began finding their own ways to regulate themselves too, whether that was taking quiet time, sitting outside, breathing deeply, or simply learning that not every thought needs to be believed.

One of the most important things I now remind both myself and my children is this:

What other people think about you is not yours to carry. You cannot control someone else’s opinions, reactions, expectations, or projections. Children especially can become so weighed down by worrying about fitting in, saying the right thing, or being liked by everyone around them. (The reality is, adults do this too.)

But peace comes when we gently bring ourselves back to what is actually within our control:

• Our thoughts.

• Our choices.

• Our reactions.

• Our kindness.

• Our boundaries.

• Our own inner voice.

That is where confidence begins to grow. Not in perfection or performance, but in learning to trust yourself enough to live your own life instead of constantly shaping it around everybody else’s expectations. I promise it is a massive relief and weight lifted when that penny finally drops.

I think many parents are carrying far more than they let on, so if that is you reading this today, I hope you know you are not failing because you are finding it hard sometimes.

You are human.

The fact that you are here, reading this, caring deeply about your children and wanting to do things differently already says so much about the kind of parent you are.

Children do not need us to have healed every part of ourselves before we guide them. They simply need to see that growth is possible. That emotions are safe to talk about, and being kind matters to yourself as much as it does to others. Rest and relaxation matters, and that confidence is built slowly over time in the small everyday moments.

Sometimes the greatest thing we can do for our children is finally give ourselves permission to become who we already were underneath all the pressure, and perhaps, they will learn they are allowed to do the same.

If this resonates with you, and you are beginning your own journey back towards self-belief, calm, and trusting yourself again, I created the S.E.C.R.E.T. framework as a gentle place to begin.

You can explore more here: See Yourself Clearly

If you’d like more honest conversations like this, alongside gentle support, book updates, and reflections on raising confident children whilst learning to reconnect with ourselves too, you can join my newsletter here:

Fiona Lowry Author

I look forward to meeting you soon, but until then...

Much love, Fiona.x